...All sufficient grace for even me...!

2011-04-10T15:39:00.000-07:00

Yesterday at the student pig roast Jon, Sheldon and Zach and I were talking about how our Christian life here in North America is so atypical of Christianity around the world. Largely sheltered from persecution, we know little of what suffering is. In comparison, it seems that we generally lack the deep joy and peace in God that persecuted Christians have in other parts of the world.

Before in my own mind I’m tempted to belittle our own experience of God in this side of the world though… I remembered the words of Jonathan Edwards in describing Heaven: that we all, like vessels, will be cast into a sea of God’s love and be completely filled. The sizes of the vessels may be different, such that some can experience more of God’s grace and love than others because of how they spent their time on earth… but each one of us, no matter the size, will be entirely full. The size of it will be up to God to determine.

I wonder if it’s much the same thing for us while here on earth, and the wide distribution of Christians in different parts of the world experiencing different facets of life that our faith brings: physical suffering in some places, social and emotional in others, outright persecution in some countries, and deadly lukewarmness and apathy in others. Each place, God chose for us specifically when He ordained the days of our lives… and so no matter where we are, our responsibility is to learn, yearn and seek to be filled with His Spirit – be it a small, medium or large vessel!

Praise God for the beautiful tapestry of lives He is weaving through history and various cultures, and how everything will be redeemed for Heaven!!!!! 

A short encouragement from pediatric rounds...

2011-01-20T19:24:00.000-08:00

Today I attended pediatric rounds at the hospital. One of the blessings of doing my MSc in a hospital is the opportunity to sit in on seminars and talks that I otherwise would not have access to. Today's rounds was a talk about end of life care for children with cancer. It was a very sad topic and I teared up more than once through it... an oncologist was sharing his experience in helping children and their families navigate through this situation. One comment he made really stuck with me. In talking about what gives families hope, he said, "uncertainty is the enemy of hope". As in, the families usually wanted to KNOW the survival rate and the honest details of the disease rather than be uncertain. Not knowing the future was devastating for them. Even knowing that their child was going to die, and how, was better than walking into it without knowledge or expectations.

It just struck me - what a contrast for us Christians!!!!!! We all face uncertainty everyday. Sometimes we think, "when I reach ________ or when _______ happens, I will be more secure". But there are always more unknown things and uncertainty ahead. The ONLY security we have is the God who holds the future also holds our hand!

That was such an encouragement to me. How blessed am I to walk daily with my Father. Yes, "uncertainty is the enemy of hope" -- but that is only referring to hope based on earthly things. It is no enemy for hope in our Father in heaven!!!!!

On building life together

2010-06-23T18:43:00.000-07:00

Today, a friend shared with me that her relationship with her boyfriend had hit a dealbreaker issue. She was heartbroken...and I really grieved for her. As I listened, I couldn't help but wonder why so often people go into relationships without having a clue what the other person stands on when it came to issues like marriage, children, careers, etc. that would, no doubt, sooner or later in life become a dealbreaker. While it seemed easy for people to be attracted to one another, it seemed less obvious how to build their lives together. I guess that's no surprise. Jon and I learned much of it (and are still learning) through trial and error. I can't say we are experts - not by a long shot!! But hearing my friend's distress really prompted me to write this entry and share some practical steps we have learned to take, that maybe others might glean something from our past failures and successes. I've shared these things in person, but I don't think I've ever consolidated them into an entry.

1) Premarital counseling. Do it.
The next thing Jon asked me after asking me out was whether I would go to premarital counseling with him. Soon. His logic was clear to me - "Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed. " (Proverbs 15:22) If we wanted to know whether this relationship was going to work, we needed more than our own opinions. That meant asking for the counsel of the community, which we decided should be pastoral authority in our case. That very night, Jon emailed Pastor Paul at Calvary Baptist Church to counsel us. We began premarital counseling, one session a week, for the next month.

What we ended up getting was actually more than a simple answer of approval or disapproval. The counseling sessions were amazingly helpful to our relationship, and to now, just over a year later, we still find those advices useful. Mainly, it was because those sessions were 'conversation-starters'. Who goes into a relationship talking about kids, finances, chores, retirement right off the bat?? We did. Not because we were extra gifted in foresight or extraordinarily mature. But because we had to, with Pastor Paul sitting right across the table from us! Awkward at times, but needed. The last thing we wanted to happen was to find out after we had invested a significant amount of time and emotion into a relationship, that there was zero common ground and shared values between the two of us.

2) Synch your schedules
The second request that Jon made soon after came in the form of a calendar invitation. A google calendar invitation. Second day of our relationship, we shared a calendar that not only served as a communication tool, but helped us to prioritize our relationship when organizing our schedules. My personal calendar was in purple. His was in red. We could see and modify each other's calendars at any time. That meant no secrets. We also had a calendar for shared activities, in green. That way, I always knew what assignments he had to complete. And he always knew when to remind me of little tasks here and there. With one glance, we could also see, by how much green was on the calendar, how much time we had set apart for each other. I highly recommend that to everyone else!

3) Don't overreact!
I have a problem of overreacting. I first realized that from the moment that George told me this in grade 10, over msn. Straight and simple - "Mel. You overreact". I thought I had matured a lot since then, but apparently not. You always find out more bad things about yourself than good when you enter into a close human relationship. Jon was the one to take the brunt of this flaw. In one of our big arguments, I reacted like most girls do - with emotion. I made sweeping and extreme statements like, "I don't know how we can go on if..." and "if you don't change this I can't take it anymore.." etc. That hurt him. He questioned my commitment - was I going to break up just because he didn't do one thing right? Obviously no. I was just overreacting.

It took quite some time before I earned his trust back. From then on we made a rule: breaking up (and later on, divorce) would be forbidden topics. We would never mention the possibility of it. We would never make the other person feel threatened that we would leave them. The rule would be that we'd talk things through as they happened, and "not let the sun go down while [we were] still angry" (Eph. 4:26)

I know, some may object: but what if I don't know if I can commit to that level to someone?

I think... then either one must get to that point of certainty (easier said than done), or simply accept that the relationship will be stunted. To know another person will be there for you no matter what makes a world of a difference - it gives freedom to be honest, make mistakes, and just be human. And that in turn, goes miles in building life together.

I hope this helps somewhat. These things, in a nutshell, helped us navigate the first year of our relationship. That's not to say that much prayer (together and individually) didn't play a role. That is a given - we daily recognize that our time together is spent together by God's grace. But sometimes I appreciate some "practical" advice, and I thought perhaps some of you might too. :)

Life in the "City of Waterfalls"

2010-02-12T17:25:00.000-08:00

So by my frequency of blogging, I'm sure you can tell that I'm not much of a blogger! This is harder than I thought. Everytime "blog" shows up under my to do list, I turn instead to emailing someone personally because I prefer knowing exactly who I am talking to, and can direct my thoughts to them specifically. Anyhow, I'm going to try a bit harder at doing this, for the sake of keeping in touch, and also because of the value of taking time to reflect and write....

one more thing...on a side note, Jon commented that this blog really serves as an advantage to him - so that he, in all his laziness of keeping in touch, can do so with our mutual friends, vicariously through my blog (assuming of course, that my life = his life). Now that I think of it, I should really insist that he share the load by contributing his thoughts in the form of a post sometime!! agree?? :)

Anyways, here are just some snippets of what I've learned since moving to this new city :)

Work
I've certainly enjoyed the challenge of working on my own in this degree. I get to determine the direction of my own project, and pace everything the way I like it - which means much more free time and less stress compared to undergrad. The only downside is... as I've probably shared with most of you already... the politics of it all! When I mention this to previous students working here, they all laugh and know exactly what I'm talking about. Here, there's a proper procedure - official protocol - to everything, to the extent that even choosing to open or shut a door, put things on the counter or in a drawer - is regulated. Woe to the one who does not know!And of course, choose every word you say (to anyone!) carefully. The first two months of this completely drained the life out of me. I became so antisocial, and weary of people. Everyday I felt like I was walking on a thin sheet of ice.

The book of Proverbs and the story of Abigail (1 Samuel 25) was constantly on my mind, and it just really struck me how God was equipping me with wisdom, and shaping my character exactly the way I needed. I had always marveled at the story of how Abigail's quick thinking and wisdom saved her entire household. I wondered how I could ever take on a responsibility likethat - to be wise enough to protect my own family. But in the past few months, I've really seen that by stretching me to the limits in my workplace, I've slowly begun to grow in this area - for example, to be slower to speak, quicker to listen; to choose my words carefully; consider the consequences of any act - no matter how trivial - in the context of my situation. I'm still learning this day by day (sometimes painfully), but in the end I'm hopeful and even excited that God, who knows my weaknesses the best, has designed every moment to shape me to be more godly, more wise, and ultimately, better prepared to meet the needs of those around me.

Family
It's remarkable how the nature of my relationship with my parents have changed, especially with Jon in my life. They've actually begun to see me more as an independent individual, and respect my decisions. It also makes it easier for me to try to help their marriage - i.e. saying things that encourage them to point out things they appreciate about one another. The tough thing though, is to try to remember how hard things can be from their perspective, watching their daughter grow up and no longer 'need' them as much as she used to. With conflicts with my mom though, I've found it fascinating how communication lessons I learn with Jon are transferrable. The "meta-communication" - talking about how we talk (I'll thank April for introducing me to this term!) - helps a whole lot. I was really surprised at how well it worked when, instead of arguing back, I analyzed (out loud to my mom) how we communicated... and how that led to misunderstanding -- that really helped defuse the situation, and move things forward.

On another note... Jon and I were reflecting today about how intertwined our lives, hearts and minds have become, that it is almost impossible imagine a "pre-Jon" or "pre-Mel" time in our lives. It's the strangest transformation in your mindset when you begin to see that your identity encompasses not only yourself, but another person too. And yet, each time we think we've reached the peak of 'oneness' (unity, selflessness), we find that it can get better, when we're able to hack through yet another jungle of miscommunications, differences, selfishness, etc. It all came down to understanding each other's point of view - being able to step into each other's shoes not just in a single circumstance, but to understand one another's very mind and heart (i.e. how things look when viewing through their lens of reality, which encompasses their past experience, family upbringing, values, differences as a guy/girl) and work from there. It's almost like a process of learning a new language... understanding the way the other communicates/sees things, and then slowly learning to speak their language to them in order to get through to them, and serve/love them best.

From my end, it's humbling to see how much Jon is willing to endure for my sake - whether it's my character flaws, shortcomings, or mistakes. And through that, I've come to see why a solid marriage is such a wonderful testimony to the children in a home: it shows them what unconditional love looks like, because love in a marriage is not based on kin/blood(unlike parent and child, siblings, cousins), but by commitment and choice alone -- hence, an example of a covenant, illustrative of God's covenant with his people. That is the value of marriage. Growing up in a culture that prioritizes children above all else (while downplaying marriage) - the Chinese culture - this was a huge eye opener to me. What amazing wisdom our God has!!!!

Church
I'll keep this short since the rest of the entry has been long - but the church we've begun to settle at is really wonderful! It's slowly unfolding into almost everything Jon and I had been praying for when looking for a community. It's a family oriented church, has solid Biblical teaching, a small group with young married couples, and so much more. The small groups (for the two times we attended) have been a huge encouragement, especially when I got the chance to talk and pray with the women in the group. Most importantly, this is showing signs of becoming a community that we can be challenged, mentored, and kept accountable by - a nice change from constantly being in the role of overseeing things (especially for Jon). Of course we also learned a lot from ACF in Guelph, but at some point, we needed others to look up to too, and church authority above us as well.

So that's about it for now - a quick recap from the main aspects of life here in the new city...!

A closing thought, to all of you - I share John's sentiments in this case...

I have much to write to you, but I do not want to use paper and ink. Instead, I hope to visit you and talk with you face to face, so that our joy may be complete.
2 John 1:12

Praise Item - Mom's surgery a success

2009-11-22T17:12:00.000-08:00

Finally free to update! Being at the hospital almost every day of the week is really draining. But I have great news! My mom's surgery went very smoothly. There were no signs of the cancer spreading anywhere else. Another big relief was that the surgeon did not have to perform a colostomy (which is when they cut the colon and make an opening on the abdomen to let out fecal material). I'm sure that would have taken a lot of time for my mom to adjust to. My mom is now back at home. She's doing very well! She's able to eat solid food, and walk slowly. Definitely on the road to recovery! Regardless, I'm sure my mom will need continual screening for other cancerous tumours from now on... since she's had one recurrence, the risk of another is higher. Nevertheless, I'm really thankful that God has brought us through yet another trial... what happens from here isn't really in our hands - so all we can do is trust in Him.

It's been a such a long, long week for both Jon and I; every day we went to the hospital after work. I don't think I could have made it without him by my side every moment, driving me, cooking for me, comforting me. It gave me such a strong sense of how God was providing for me in the smallest ways - through him... and even though we just moved to a new city, I didn't feel alone for a single moment. A lot of aunties from my mom's Chinese church in Hamilton brought us food and visited my mom too (since I can't cook Chinese food). It's incredible how God brought my mom to such a close church community only two months after arriving in Hamilton. So all I can say is praise God.. He really hears our prayers, and carries us through in hard times!

On the side, this week has also been like a 'dose' of marriage for Jon and I. Dealing with long days, the busyness that comes from caring for someone together, going to his place afterwards and and cooking together (yes I have been learning to cook! under his command... I mean... guidance... that is ;)..). It's given us the opportunity to function side by side when we are both drained - and seeing that while it's not care-free romance as the world paints it, it is definitely selfless, persistent, commited love. Some nights we were too tired to talk or even to eat, and we nearly fell asleep next to each other at the dinner table! There was no reason for him to have to spend every night of the week at the hospital, or drive me back and forth, except to care for me while I cared for my mom. Jon if you're reading this, thank you, dearest :)

And also thanks for all your care, friends! :) :) It really warms my heart. I want to start catching up with each of you slowly when things go back to normal (mom recovering, getting back on track at work after this crazy
week)!

"Who will separate us from the love of Christ? Will tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword?"
Romans 8:35

An update on my mom

2009-11-06T18:34:00.000-08:00

As many of you have been asking about updates on my mom's situation, and I've probably told you bits and pieces (and I've lost track of who I told what, etc.), I thought I'd write one entry that sums it up everything so far. Thanks so much for your prayers and care! And especially thanks to ACF for remembering my mom in your prayer meetings... means so much that you guys still care and remember even after we've graduated and so called 'moved on' (But as Paul says in to the Thessalonians, we have been torn away "in person, not in thought!") :) -- oh and when I say we, I mean Jon and I (I realized recently how I've no longer been able to speak in singular terms anymore, unless I consciously make the effort to.)

As some of you know, my mom had ovarian cancer when I was 9 years old. After undergoing chemotherapy, she was cancer-free for 13 years. Not only until now did I realize what an incredible miracle that has been... all the doctors have taken a special interest in my mom's case because of the sheer rarity of it. Apparently ovarian cancer is usually diagnosed in its later/terminal stages, has poor prognosis, and very low 5 year survival rates. So... without even realizing it, I've been living under yet another huge outpour of God's grace on me, by giving me my mom for thirteen more years since then.

This April, an ultrasound revealed another tumour in the same area, and was 5 months later she was diagnosed with recurrence of ovarian cancer. Little did I know how significant this timing was to my mom. Thirteen years ago, when she was first diagnosed with cancer, she had prayed that God would allow her to live long enough to see me graduate from university. My convocation took place in June this year. So now sometimes, my mom and I joke, with tears in our eyes, that since she never specified with convocation she wanted to attend, there's still my MSc one... and maybe I could prolong it to my PhD... and so on. So lately, I've been reminded again and again of how... each day it is God who sustains our lives. Certainly He had been sustaining my mom's life in these past thirteen years, against what all doctors and literature would predict to be the lifespan of someone with ovarian cancer... but just as much so with my own life too, or any other lives around me.

But anyhow - there has been good news since the last time I shared with some of you! It took really long for the diagnosis to come through (for the first four months, the doctors were adamant that the tumour wasn't cancerous). We expected a much longer wait for a surgery date - but just this past Tuesday, the hospital called and offered us a MUCH earlier date than we expected - November 17!!! So I am very, very thankful for that. So thank you for your prayers!! My dad won't be around for it (still working in China), but at least I'll be able to take time off school/work to accompany my mom to surgery. Jon will also be able to take the day off to sit in the waiting room with me during surgery.

My continual prayer is that my mom will grow much more in her relationship with God in these times... I was reading Suffering and the Sovereignty of God (by John Piper) with her a month ago, and I was really stunned by how many of Piper's points in the chapter, "Don't Waste your Cancer" struck a chord with her. I was so so deeply encouraged by that... it's the first time I've seen the recognition in her that faith in Christ goes beyond obtaining earthly comforts, but that it is possible - and essential - to cherish Him above than all things, including hope of recovery, and life itself.

I particularly liked Piper's point #8 in "Don't Waste Your Cancer": You will waste your cancer if you grieve as those who have no hope.

"Brothers, we do not want you to be ignorant about those who fall asleep, or to grieve like the rest of men, who have no hope."
1 Thessalonians 4:13

A new start

2009-11-04T18:33:00.000-08:00

Dear friends,

I've decided to pick up the habit of blogging again because since moving yet again to a new start, I really miss being a part of your lives - all of you back in Toronto and Guelph. God's been teaching me so much in these past few weeks in a new city, new school, and whole new lifestyle... I'm longing to share my journey with all of you. As much as I love emailing/calling/meeting up, hopefully this blog will serve the function of filling in all the blanks in between direct communication with you.

So PCA friends, Guelph ACF friends, my 'other half' in B.C. - this is for you! :)

As you may have guessed - my blog's name is a reminder to myself, everytime I sit down and reflect to write about the latest happenings, that all things I encounter in life are a part of my journey Home... and also that none of it comes by chance, but directly from God's sovereign hand - for my good, and ultimately for His purposes. more to come soon! :)

"...So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal."
2 Corinthians 4:18